i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
