She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
