My liver just broke up with me...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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