Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
