I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
