You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
