i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize