I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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