Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
