I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
