I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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