talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
