So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
