I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
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if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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