So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize