i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
