How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
