every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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