you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
