Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
