Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
