I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
