I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
