Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
