Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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