Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
