whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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