So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
