Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
