Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
