Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
