i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
