Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
