peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
