She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
