Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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