so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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