If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
