You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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