I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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