and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
