90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
