we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
