You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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