Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
