My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
