If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
