Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
