it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
