I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
