So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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