Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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