All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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