and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
