I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
