No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
