For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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