East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
