my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
