She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
