Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think your dad took our porno
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
