We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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