just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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