So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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