When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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